I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize