He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
