I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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