I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
