I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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