Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
