I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
