I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
