Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
