Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
