It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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