Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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