ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
