btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
