Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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