I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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