You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
