i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
