Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
