ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
