i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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