fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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