I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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