somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
