i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
