3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
