Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
