The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
