my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
