3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
