whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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