I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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