possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
