i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize