quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
