Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
