how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
