my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She bit a glass in half.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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