either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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