Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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