Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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