I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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