hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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