My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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