they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize