There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
