The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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