hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
