I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
