I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize