it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
