Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
