She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
