oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
