I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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