I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
