its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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