so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am naked and annoyed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
