If i come over, it means nothing
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize