That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
