never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
