Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
