i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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