none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
