So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
