his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
