I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
