Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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