my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
