dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
