Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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