our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
