Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to calm my uterus...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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