Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
