she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
