woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
