Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize