How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
