i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
