Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
