Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
