I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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