I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
