i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
