bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
