Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
