I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
