He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
