I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
