i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
