We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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