Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
