I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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