yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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