you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
