I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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