What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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