eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
